Harry Potter, Or A Good Night's Sleep?

Tuesday, July 10th, 11:59 p.m.

The question wasn't if I was going to get in line for the next instalment of the obnoxiously successful Harry Potter and the Whatever Movie is Next... series. It was only a matter of when. I have a thirteen-year-old who lives on this planet. It's Death, Taxes and Get-in-line-for Harry Potter and the Whatever Movie is Next...

A better question would be, "Which line am I willing to stand in the longest?"

I've never been one to stand in lines. I always believed the DMV has chairs there specifically for me. Amusement parks, with their one-and-a-half hour waits in line for a one-and-a-half minute payoff, has never been that hot a ticket for me. Given a choice, I'd be eating fried chicken in New Orleans Square, not standing in the burning sun in anticipation of another go-round of Mr. Toad's Wild Ride.

The same with movies. Movies come and go, and lines of movie-goers come and go with them. And standing around for hours on opening night with a bunch of strangers who already know the ending of the movie, while I lose sleep on a work night, is not my idea (maybe my kid's idea, but not my idea) of a great time. And drinking cold coffee from the Starbucks on the other side of the Promenade just to stay awake long enough to fall asleep in a Lazy-Boy theater seat with the stub of a $12 ticket tucked in my shirt pocket (for the buy one-get one bowling coupon at the Gable House) loses something in translation between the age of thirteen and... old.

So, which line will I to stand in?

This one.

After I spend several leisurely hours browsing through the 30 or so books I've always wanted to read, then relax at a cafe table, enjoying a spinach-mushroom Strada while sipping a really, really big iced coffee, I stand in a line of another kind.

Friday, July 20th, 11:59 p.m. Inside Barnes and Noble Booksellers, People, faces familiar to each other, gather together, probably for the last time.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, the 7th and last book in the series authored by J.K. Rowling (not some junior screenwriter who would "really like to direct some day"), will be released to the reading public as the clock strikes midnight. This night, hundreds of fans, readers, will be the first of hundreds of thousands who, at the stroke of midnight, will receive their copy of the final installment of a story that, to date, has sold over 86 million copies.

Barnes and Noble, as well as Borders stores, Vroman's in Pasadena and a host of smaller, local bookstores, will host events on the night when the whole world finds out what fate awaits Harry.

Here is a short list of L.A. locations offering some kind of Harry Potter activities.

Skylight Books will let you make your own Book 7 book cover, and offers an all-night reading party that goes till 9 a.m. Saturday. 10 p.m., 1818 N. Vermont Ave., L.A. (323) 660-1175.

At Borders Torrance, the Grand Hallows Ball will include a life-size Harry Potter checkers game and a 15-foot snake cake. 9:30 p.m., 3700 Torrance Blvd., Torrance. (310) 540-7000.

Other Borders stores in the area will be holding similar but smaller Grand Hallows Balls at 9:30 p.m., including a Harry Potter spelling bee and the "Great Snape Debate".

Book Soup is giving away copies of the book with the purchase of a $100 gift card. 10 p.m., 8818 Sunset Blvd., West Hollywood. (310) 659-3110.

Storyopolis is holding a Diagon Alley Party and games till the late, as well as an autographed print by Mary GrandPré, the books' illustrator. 11 p.m. to 1 a.m., 12348 Ventura Blvd., Studio City. (818) 509-5600.

At Barnes & Noble stores there will be events from 6 to 10 p.m. These Midnight Magic parties include photos with a Harry look-alike, magic shows, and trivia scavenger hunts. Use the store locator at storelocator.barnesandnoble.com/findaspecial_event.do

At Vroman's, bands Wild Youth and Dirty Spanglish will perform, in addition to storytelling, crafts and face painting. 10 p.m., 695 E. Colorado Blvd., Pasadena. (626) 449-5320.

For a near-exhaustive listing go to http://www.calendarlive.com/books/cl-wk-potter19jul19,0,4958724.story?coll=cl-books.features.

Any of those lines are worth giving up a good night's sleep for, because reading always beats a movie, no matter how much stuff gets blown up. Big screen, summer blockbusters are often little more than over-long video games, or music videos with 100-page scripts written by the same junior screenwriter who "would really like to direct someday". And for an event that promotes literature for my thirteen-year-old, video-addicted son, well... I would drag him to that.

If I had to.

My son's plans for the weekend involve locking himself in his room and finishing Deathly Hallows before he walks face first into a spoiler before finishing the book.

Besides, a book like Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows would sure pass the time sitting in one of those chairs at the DMV.

Copyright © 2007 Bill Friday

Philadelphia Phillies Celebrate Phailure

10,000 losses.

Let that number sink in. Even for the hard-core sports fan, the phrase ten-thousand losses takes a little time to register in their consciousness. To the more casual fan, the words are a part of the ethereal. Vague. Just a big, round number symbolizing a futility beyond measure.

Ten-thousand losses.

To the non-initiate, the number is without meaning, on par with how many under-weight cows there are in India or the atomic weight of Boron.

The atomic weight of Boron is 10.81 and all cows are under-weight in India.

But baseball hallows numbers. And for the fan - the true fan, the idea of a Major League team losing ten-thousand games is like living in the moment of history. It becomes the, "I remember where I was when..." of the oldest American game.

The Philadelphia Phillies, formed in 1873, are the losing-est professional baseball team in history. Their generational ineptitude is legendary. And tonight, when the Phillies take the field, they do so with the chance to become the quantifiable worst team in sports history.

9,999 and counting.

That's what it says on the website http://www.celebrate10000.com/.

Dedicated to the glory of Phillie futility through the ages, Celebrate 10,000 offers Phillies apparel, as well as insight into what it means to be a true fan of the biggest loser baseball has ever known. Articles, links to blogs and the ever-present reminder that, "Real Phans Love Their Losers". The site is worth a look if for nothing more than to see how a city that has the reputation for being hardest on athletes than any other (booing Santa Clause, sending death threats to Phillies all-time home run leader Mike Schmidt, even cheering when Dallas Cowboy's wide receiver Michael Irvin was taken from the field in cervical restraints after breaking his neck in a game against the Eagles) has taken up the mantle of mediocrity with seeming joy.

That, and the knowledge that even though the city is home to the piss-poorest franchise in memory, they still aren't the Chicago Cubs. After all, the Phillies one-and-only World Championship, won in 1980, is still more recent than the Cubs last World Series victory back in 1908.

And to make things a perfect as possible, the big night could come as early as tonight, as the Phillies resume play after the All-Star break with a game at home against the St. Louis Cardinals. And on Friday the 13th, no less.

Dare to dream.

So tonight, as those of us who follow this craziness turn on Sports Center, maybe everyone can remember they too can be in on history. They too can one day say, "I remember exactly where I was when I heard that the Phillies lost their 10,000th game". If you're not passed-out in your Lazy-Boy like a true Phillie Phanatic.

Baseball hallows numbers. And history is written by the winners. Which is probably why we celebrate number 10,000 like the winners the Phills have never been.

For a taste of Phillies history go to www.forsythnews.com/news/stories/20070704/localsports/182867.shtml.

And if you're a Phillies fan, remember this baseball truth, "You're only as bad as your next loss". And nobody has more of them than you.

Copyright © 2007 Bill Friday

Cleaning Out The Notebook: Sports Stories I Never Told You

DATELINE: Los Angeles.

Long-time Los Angeles Times sports reporter Mike Penner had a problem. It's a problem many writers experience on a regular basis.

Writer's block.

"I was always a tortured soul when I wrote," the sports columnist said.

Years on the job had taken their toll. Deadlines. Distractions. Decisions. Something bigger than what Penner saw in the mirror each day was at work within him, making his chosen profession a chore, a burden. An insurmountable wall, higher, wider and deeper than he knew how to deal with. And all the while, that nagging, dragging writer's block. The bane of a journalist's existence.

So what did Mike Penner do to break through? To overcome that rock solid barrier that threatened to ruin his career?

He underwent gender reassignment.

Yep. Beneath it all, Mike Penner came to the conclusion that his writer's block was due to the fact that... he was a woman.

On April 26th, Mike Penner wrote his first column for the Times as Christine Daniels.

"I am a transsexual sportswriter," Penner/Daniels wrote.

And that pesky writer's block?

"All I can say at this point is that I am now happier, more focused and more energized when I sit behind a keyboard. The wicked writer's block that used to reach up ant torture me at some of the worst possible times imaginable has disappeared... That should come as good news to my editors: far fewer blown deadlines." http://www.latimes.com/sports/la-sp-oldmike26apr26,0,2709943.story?page=la-home-headlines.

When the story first broke, this reporter attempted to contact fellow Times sportswriter Lisa Dillman, who also happened to be Mike Penner's wife. In interviews with Penner/Daniels, no mention was ever made of Lisa Dillman or her thoughts on her husband's transition. To date, I have received no response from Dillman.

Too bad. Every good story should allow both sides as close to equal time as possible. It was reported at the time of the story that one prerequisite of any interview with Penner/Daniels was that no mention of Lisa Dillman would be made. http://www.sportsbybrooks.com/christine-daniels-transsexual-sportswriter-not-sure-about-surgery-or-sexual-orientation-12766.php

It would have been nice to allow both sides of an interesting story to be represented. Unfortunately, it appears that wasn't meant to be.

Well, at least that pesky writer's block has been taken care of.

DATELINE: Fort Collins, Colorado.

April 21st. The final day of spring practice for the Colorado State University Rams dawned crisp and clear. Today was the day of the Rams' Green-White intrasquad scrimmage, where all CSU fans would have an opportunity to take part in the "Spring Youth Football Festival", where supporters would even be allowed to be on the sidelines inside the Rams' stadium to view the proceedings close up.

Colorado State football fan Mike Thomas and his sons were in attendance that day, roaming the sidelines just like they belonged there.

One problem. Mike's youngest son Caden was there with the other men in the family, enjoying the day, paying only as much attention as any four-year-old is able to. With all the intensity of a late-season game, the scrimmage played out on the field. And with it the competition spilled over onto the existence of little Caden as he wandered unsupervised on the sideline.

BLAM!!!

Colorado State running back George Hill, after catching a sideline pass, ran helmet-first into the small boy, driving him backwards into the thinly-padded brick wall at the rim of the playing surface.

Following an ambulance ride to a near-by hospital, thirty stitches plus a little plastic surgery by a local doctor, and a full neurological exam, Caden was declared sound and released.

Colorado State coach Sonny Lubick gave the kid an autographed football. Mike Thomas said later that Caden would have, "a scar to rival Harry Potter."

No one as of yet has given Mike Thomas a full neurological exam to determine if he's sick in the head or just an unfit parent for bringing a child that small within 20 feet of a hand-to-hand combat zone, then leaving him unsupervised long enough to get drilled by a 200-pound, padded missile.

Of course, Mike Thomas was close enough to his son to give this eyewitness account of the incident:

"Well, there's the sickening thud. I was tremendously worried about the rest of his life. You make automatic assumptions there will be some damage when you see something that horrific."

Ya think?

Caden summed up the moment like this: "It was kind of scary cause I got bonked by the football. It kind of hurted."

In case you missed it, click on the link http://deadspin.com/sports/college-football/ok-get-up-walk-it-off-254799.php

And finally...

DATELINE: Fayetteville, Georgia.

June 25th became a day that will live forever in the hearts and minds of professional wrestling fans across the United States. But not for the sad, sentimental reasons that fans of the scripted, pseudo-reality sports franchise known as the WWE (World Wrestling Entertainment) might wish to believe. That afternoon, Fayette County Sheriffs found the bodies of wrestler Chris Benoit, his wife Nancy, and their 7-year-old son Daniel, all victims of a murder-suicide in which Benoit strangled his wife, suffocated his developmentally disabled son, and then hanged himself.

In 2003, Nancy Benoit filed for divorce and a restraining order against her husband, later changing her mind and reconciling with him.

In a press conference held the next day, Fayette County D.A. Scott Ballard described what Sheriffs' investigators believe took place in the Benoit home over the weekend just past.

Some time on Friday, June 22nd, Chris Benoit bound the hands and feet of his wife Nancy, then strangled her with a cord. Then following day, Saturday, the 240 pound Benoit then, according to investigators, put his son in a single-arm choke hold and strangled him. Finally, on Sunday, the 24th, Benoit killed himself by wrapping a cord around his own neck that was attached to a weight machine in his home gym. Benoit released a stack of weights that matched his own body weight, causing his own strangulation.

Deputies found Bibles placed next to each of the murdered family members.

Bad enough that the Benoit family is dead. Worse still are the details that surround those deaths. Details that, at first glance, seem questionable. Details that, upon further review, move right past questionable, and straight into heinous.

Hours before Sheriffs found the bodies in the Benoit home, a Wikipedia article on Benoit was updated to include news of his missing a match, scheduled at the time of the first murder, telling readers that Benoit was replaced by another wrestler. Then, on Monday, June 25th, at 12:01 a.m. EDT, an additional phrase was added to the post.

"...stemming from the death of his wife Nancy."

This update was made 14 hours, 29 minutes before investigators found the bodies. In addition to that, the IP address of the editor of the entry was traced to the town of Stamford, Connecticut, the location of the headquarter of the WWE. Since that time, police have taken computer equipment belonging to the person responsible for the posts. Police say that this "anonymous editor" could face possible criminal charges if they had any knowledge of the deaths prior to the discovery of the victims.

Oh, and one other thing.

Speculation regarding the part that anabolic steroids may have played in the emotional story of Chris Benoit led officials to investigate, and subsequently arrest, a doctor for regularly prescribing Benoit the equivalent of a 10-month supply of steroids every three to four weeks. http://www.latimes.com/sports/la-spw-wrestler3jul03,1,3341276.story?coll=la-headlines-sports&track+crosspromo (news video is included with this link).

All that, while Benoit continued to pass "mandatory" drug testing performed regularly under the WWE's wellness program, set up to monitor wrestlers for drug use and other health concerns.

So, my sports notebook is empty. And, cathartic as this was supposed to be for me, I think I'm going to need a little more detox from this one. I"m headed to the beach for an interview an AVP beach volleyball player. I'm reasonable sure she has never: a) been a man; b)left her child alone on the sidelines at a sporting event, or c)done steroids. It might just end up being a regular sports story.

I miss those.

Copyright © 2007 Bill Friday

"Paristurbia" Opens Today

Early this morning, after serving only five days of an originally scheduled twenty-three day sentence, Paris Hilton was released from the Century Regional Detention Facility in Lynwood for what is being called a "medical condition".

Hilton who, as a child, lived in the world famous Waldorf-Astoria hotel in New York, spent the last few days in an 8 x 12 cement and steel dwelling, isolated from the general population 23 hours a day for her own safety according to her attorney, Richard A. Hutton.

"Because of who she is, they had no choice", Hutton said on Wednesday. Following a visit by Hutton and Psychiatrist Dr. Charles Sophy, the "famous for being famous" Hilton's release was in the works.

On Thursday, presumably after days of crying in her cell, enduring the taunts of fellow inmates, having to be shown by a sergeant how to make collect calls on the jail's only payphone, and wearing an orange, short-sleeved jumpsuit, Paris could endure no more.

According to TMZ.com, Hilton's "medical condition" is not physical in nature.

"The County Jail medical staff made the final decision... based on Dr. Sophy's psychological exam." TMZ also stated that, "Sheriff Lee Baca gave the final approval."

The revelation of this psychological "medical condition" comes on the heels of Paris being quoted in the days before her incarceration as saying she would be spending her time in jail, "reflecting on her life and how to make the world better."

So, barring the overturning of the decision at a Friday, 9 a.m. hearing before Judge Michael Sauer, where Hilton and her attorney will face-off against Los Angeles City Attorney Rocky Delgadillo to determine if the release violates the terms of her conviction and adjudication ("no electronic monitoring"), Hilton will now spend the next 40 days under ankle bracelet house arrest.

Which brings to mind some intriguing possibilities.

With another season of her television show The Simple Life close to being dropped from the E-Network's line-up of Chelsea Handler re-runs, the opportunity now presents itself for what could be, perhaps, the most daring and insightful season The Simple Life may ever produce.

Get ready for The Simple Life: PARISTURBIA.

That's right, with Paris Hilton under house arrest, she spends long days and lonely nights spying on her mild-mannered neighbor next door. With the help of her friends Nicole Ritchie and Margaret Cho (okay, that may be stunt casting, but it's my pitch, so roll with it), Paris notices that her next-door neighbor's old Ford Mustang has a dent in it's bumper - just like a car that was seen fleeing the scene of a murder weeks before.

With the help of Nicole and Margaret, and clues provided by that Sheriff's sergeant from the jailhouse payphone leading them on, the girls overcome the skepticism of mom Kathy Hilton, the L.A. County Probation Department, and Paris' psychiatrist Dr. Sophy, to catch the bad guy (who turns out to be a reporter from TMZ.com).

In the end, FOX decides to bring The Simple Life back to the network, due to the shows ratings that now rival 24, American Idol and the NHL Stanley Cup Finals.

It could happen.

And some day maybe Paris might even grow from this experience and one day "make the world better".

Yeah. And Shia LaBeouf is going to win the Academy Award for Indiana Jones 4.

Hey it's my pitch, so roll with it.

Copyright © 2007 Bill Friday

REGGIE THE ALLIGATOR CAPTURED...?

Yesterday afternoon, at around 3:30 p.m., L.A. County Fire Fighters received a call for help from a fellow County employee at Ken Malloy Park in Harbor City. In a small cove at the edge of Lake Machado, there he was.

Reggie the Alligator had been found!

With LA city officials already conveniently on hand at the park for a 3 p.m. "strategy reassessment meeting" regarding the celebrated gator, Jon Murki, chief of the city's Recreation and Parks Department, and City Councilwoman Janice Hahn were all smiles as the two year drama involving the park's most famous temporary resident came to a sudden, and well-publicized, ending.

"We were talking about strategies for catching him when somebody called and said, 'He's out of the lake'."

"It was an unbelievable day - and at the end of the day it was city of L.A. employees who caught him, not alligator wranglers from somewhere else," Hahn said. "Who said we don't do gators?"

But before Reggie could be strapped to a gurney and whisked away to the Los Angeles Zoo, with news vans and helicopters in tow, question were already being asked by some whether this really was, in fact, the Reggie.

The size of this alligator is somewhat larger than Reggie, and there would not have been enough time for Reggie to grow to that size," said Ed Boks, general manager of the Los Angeles Department of Animal Services. When asked who might be skeptical about the alligator's identity, Boks answered, "A number of experts."

"Maybe instead of Reggie One, this is Reggie Two."

Boks' staff at Animal Services was not involved in the apprehension of the reptile.

Gregory Randall, a department wildlife specialist, offered this: "It's not like Reggie was tagged. There's no way to prove definitely that this is the same Reggie."

To quote one of those covering the story for television, Nischelle Turner of Fox 11 News, "Unless he was wearing a name tag that says, 'Hello, my name is Reggie', we'll never really know."

The question of the animal's identity was not in question for the sister of former L.A. Mayor Jim Hahn.

"He looks like Reggie to me," councilwoman Janice Hahn said. "We were petting him, talking to him... I feel like I know him because I've invested a lot of time and energy in him." Just two weeks ago, when asked if she could confirm the identity of the animal as Reggie, Hahn told the L.A. Daily News, "I don't know how we'll ever know."

No word on whether the councilwoman will be asked to confirm the creature's identity by picking Reggie out of a line-up at the L.A. Zoo.

As recently as last week, plans were still in the works to bring associates of the late Steve Irwin, the "Crocodile Hunter", to capture Reggie, after multiple attempts have failed to bring results during the last two years. The cost to the county is almost $200,000, not including the cost to prosecute the two men accused in 2005 of dumping Reggie in Lake Machado in the first place, former LAPD Officer Todd Natow and Anthony Brewer, both residents of nearby San Pedro.

Now, while in the middle of a meeting staged in the same park that Reggie has called home for two years, and with costs mounting by the day, the capture of "Reggie" had the feeling of something being staged.

It's curious how, just one day before a busy Memorial Day Weekend was to begin, the capture of "Reggie" went off without a hitch.

Kevin Regan, Assistant General Manager for the city's parks department, said he went to the lake last Sunday and devised a plan to trap the reptile.

"I went down there and found the area he was coming through," Regan said. "All of the vegetation was matted down, and I found this one pathway that it seemed like he was using."

Monday, Regan built a chain-link enclosure with a swinging door. On Thursday, that door was slammed shut with "Reggie" trapped inside.

Mission accomplished, right?

Parks Chief Murki put it this way: "We knew with the weather heating up.. that this could happen and, in fact, it happened real quick."

Real quick.

So with tongue loosely in-cheek, and with lawn chair opened on the shores of Lake Machado, I'll leave you with a quote by a city official from a classic film about civic responsibility, the public's right to know, and holiday fun in the sun.

"I'm pleased and happy to repeat the news that we have, in fact, caught and killed a large predator that supposedly injured some bathers. But as you see, it's a beautiful day, the beaches are open, and people are having a wonderful time. 'Amity', as you know, means 'friendship'". - Mayor Harry Vaughn, Jaws.

And when the Fourth of July rolls around, remember...

I'm rooting for Reggie.

Copyright © 2007 Bill Friday