Friday, June 8, 2007

"Paristurbia" Opens Today

Early this morning, after serving only five days of an originally scheduled twenty-three day sentence, Paris Hilton was released from the Century Regional Detention Facility in Lynwood for what is being called a "medical condition".

Hilton who, as a child, lived in the world famous Waldorf-Astoria hotel in New York, spent the last few days in an 8 x 12 cement and steel dwelling, isolated from the general population 23 hours a day for her own safety according to her attorney, Richard A. Hutton.

"Because of who she is, they had no choice", Hutton said on Wednesday. Following a visit by Hutton and Psychiatrist Dr. Charles Sophy, the "famous for being famous" Hilton's release was in the works.

On Thursday, presumably after days of crying in her cell, enduring the taunts of fellow inmates, having to be shown by a sergeant how to make collect calls on the jail's only payphone, and wearing an orange, short-sleeved jumpsuit, Paris could endure no more.

According to, Hilton's "medical condition" is not physical in nature.

"The County Jail medical staff made the final decision... based on Dr. Sophy's psychological exam." TMZ also stated that, "Sheriff Lee Baca gave the final approval."

The revelation of this psychological "medical condition" comes on the heels of Paris being quoted in the days before her incarceration as saying she would be spending her time in jail, "reflecting on her life and how to make the world better."

So, barring the overturning of the decision at a Friday, 9 a.m. hearing before Judge Michael Sauer, where Hilton and her attorney will face-off against Los Angeles City Attorney Rocky Delgadillo to determine if the release violates the terms of her conviction and adjudication ("no electronic monitoring"), Hilton will now spend the next 40 days under ankle bracelet house arrest.

Which brings to mind some intriguing possibilities.

With another season of her television show The Simple Life close to being dropped from the E-Network's line-up of Chelsea Handler re-runs, the opportunity now presents itself for what could be, perhaps, the most daring and insightful season The Simple Life may ever produce.

Get ready for The Simple Life: PARISTURBIA.

That's right, with Paris Hilton under house arrest, she spends long days and lonely nights spying on her mild-mannered neighbor next door. With the help of her friends Nicole Ritchie and Margaret Cho (okay, that may be stunt casting, but it's my pitch, so roll with it), Paris notices that her next-door neighbor's old Ford Mustang has a dent in it's bumper - just like a car that was seen fleeing the scene of a murder weeks before.

With the help of Nicole and Margaret, and clues provided by that Sheriff's sergeant from the jailhouse payphone leading them on, the girls overcome the skepticism of mom Kathy Hilton, the L.A. County Probation Department, and Paris' psychiatrist Dr. Sophy, to catch the bad guy (who turns out to be a reporter from

In the end, FOX decides to bring The Simple Life back to the network, due to the shows ratings that now rival 24, American Idol and the NHL Stanley Cup Finals.

It could happen.

And some day maybe Paris might even grow from this experience and one day "make the world better".

Yeah. And Shia LaBeouf is going to win the Academy Award for Indiana Jones 4.

Hey it's my pitch, so roll with it.

Copyright © 2007 Bill Friday