Showing posts with label el g. Show all posts
Showing posts with label el g. Show all posts

Saturday, September 24, 2011

Friday On Friday - "Friday Rewind"

Celebrity Deathmatch... Viacom/MTV 2
Friday On Friday recounts the humble beginings of a historical Broowaha landmark (and a whole lot of inside jokes).

One last blast from Friday’s past, this one the recounting of the classic Broowaha Deathmatch competition of 2008. Follow the links to find the buried treasure of what all us old writers talk about from our rocking chairs on the front porch of the Broo CafĂ©.

Next week, part three of the series within a series, “Year Zero”.

Overcoming impossible odds, superior talent, and a roster of incomparable competition, Bill Friday takes the 2008 Broowawa Deathmatch crown.

(Gets handshake from Quentin Tarantino... A lingering hug from Jessica Biel)

"I'd like to thank the Academy... Katrina and Rob, my Starbucks' managers... the California Department of Unemployment..."

(CUE MUSIC)

"... If I forgot anyone... I... um... uh..."

(CUE PETER COYOTE)

(Holds trophy aloft)

"Thank you!"


AND COMMERCIAL IN THREE... TWO... ONE...

Wait... wait for it...

Right there. My dream moment. After three weeks of blood, sweat, toil and tears, the ultimate prize. Victory in the first-annual Broowaha Brackets Deathmatch. Short of winning Jim Rome's annual Smack-Off http://www.smackoff.net/, nothing can compare to the glory, the honor, the swag, that comes with winning the Broo in 2008.

As a student of history, I understand the significance of the underdog overcoming all odds to win the big one - Jimmy Chitwood's Hickory Huskers, Villanova over Georgetown, the Duchy of Grand Fenwick over the United States - all touching in their own special way. But nothing could have made this championship run any sweeter than defeating who I believe is the finest pure writer in all of Broowaha, the legend, El G., who summed up his experience in this competition with these now-famous words:

“The only thing that could make this moment better is my impending, well-earned bowel movement.”

And the only thing that could make this moment better for me is to share it with my friends.  So, I would like to thank:
  • Glenn T, whose idea this Deathmatch was (wait, the idea for the Deathmatch was... mine. Sorry...). Oh, and our amazingly similar good taste in women, including the jaw-droppingly inspirational Connie Britton.
  • Joe Mael, who skillfully played both ends of friendship against the middle and bet the Bill Friday money line, raking in countless tens of dollars at the expense of his friendship with the G.
  • Ariel Vardi and Digidave Cohn, for allowing this competition to continue in spite of their better journalistic judgment. Guys, I tip Oscar Madison's cap to both of you.
  • El G, for not caving into the horrible pressures of this competition, never compromising your beliefs for the quick brown-nose, and always, always knowing in your writers' heart that when you win that Academy Award for Best Original Screenplay, you will justifiably, completely snub all Broo staff (or at best tell the watching world, "This is for all the Douche-bags...you know who you are!").
and finally,
  • and Jen and Tonic, friend, competitor, muse, the only woman I know who could ever use the words, "Donkey Punch", "Dutch Oven" or "Shocker" in a sentence, and still sound like a lady.
Now we can all get back to the serious business of running a first-class Citizen Newspaper. And I can repair all the damage to my own website after turning it into a Clipper blog for the past three weeks. It's PURPLE AND GOLD from here on in baby!

And to all the competitors who made the last year of Broowaha so special, Steven Lane, Ed Attanasio, V, D.E.C., Chris Jones, Morgana, D.L., and the rest of my 153 friends (you know who you are)...

See you next year.

(original content April 9, 2008)

Friday, July 1, 2011

Friday On Friday - "Toleration Day"

“I’m a mess... a great big, contradictory pile of shit and bones. I don’t want to be loved. At best, I just want to be tolerated.”
Unnamed character in the unpublished story, “Day Sleeper”, by Bill Friday


Sarcasm: A sharp and often satirical or ironic utterance designed to cut or give pain. A mode of satirical wit depending for its effect on bitter, caustic, and often ironic language that is usually directed against an individual.

Free Merriam-Webster Dictionary


I’ve gotten a lot of feedback lately on my recent progress as a writer. All positive, which is funny, because when I began this literary adventure five years ago, a few glaring differences between the me that was... and the me that is today... are obvious. And while I could waste your time and mine on all the tiny details of why reading me today is better than reading me in 2007, the most apparent difference is summed up in this,

Now... I’m cool.

Ask anyone, “Who’s cool around here?” Chances are, your answer will be, “That Friday guy. He’s cool.” So now you’re probably wondering, “How can I be considered ‘cool like Friday’?” I’m glad you asked.

Never disagree with anyone in public. In my experience, backstabbing is the way to go. On this site over the last four-and-a-half years, I have received 170 anonymous “you suck” (one-star) ratings for my 101 articles. This alone uniquely qualifies me to comment on such matters.


Never write about anything that matters. Content that matters tends to polarize... and polarization leads to hatred by at least 50 percent of potential readers. Writing about things like “feelings” (which, by the way, also works great on a first date), not controversial or trending topics, will ensure that while your readership may be suffer diminished numbers, those few who do read you regularly will love you all the more because each reader will know that every word you write is written directly to them.


Don’t write too often. People will get tired of you and marginalize you, then sick of you altogether. I wrote 40 articles in 2007 and 39 in 2008. By 2009, I was down to 6, and my popularity grew more in my unexplained absence, proving the made-up right now by me adage, “Between prolific and witness protection... lies the legend.” And when the legend becomes fact, print the legend.


Make friends with the cool people. Cool people are just that, “cool”. And cool people tell other people who the cool people really are... they move the needle. Make friends with them, and you go from writer to trending topic. Say things on the comment board that the cool people agree with, even when you have nothing to say. Nothing says cool like saying nothing.

Just ask Joaquin Phoenix.


Make friends with the un-cool people. There are more un-cool people in this world than cool people, and unlike cool people, un-cool actually read. Reading headlines is for cool people... reading whole articles is a job for the un-cool. By dropping literary cookies into your articles that resonate with the un-cool masses (like references to LARPers Weekly or the G-4 Network), not only can you guarantee pageviews up front, but also when the un-cool use nerd tools like the keyword search box, because you thought in advance to include hash tags like #baseball, or #scott boras, or #el g.


(regarding comments) Stay cryptic. Fans don’t want to be told what you mean when they already know what you mean... because you were “speaking directly to them” (see "Never write anything that matters", above). While being cryptic in the comment threads of others can get you accused of being an internet Troll, being cryptic in your own threads gets you accused of being obfuscatively original.


Never, ever, tell the truth. Even if it’s really true. If other people suck, never tell them. If you suck, well… that’s just something to keep between yourself and yourself.


Always, always, remember where you came from. The past has a funny way of reminding us of two equal, yet opposite things. We really are worse than we think we are, and… we really are better than we think we are. No, you read that right. No one is as good, or as bad, as their press clippings… except maybe Carlos Mencia. To prove that bi-polar point, read this excerpt from January 9th, 2007.

This just in: My popularity is 0. Zeeerohh! As if I needed proof. Thanks for the update. A clean slate by any other name, etc.

Oh well.

Guess it's better than entropy. Not "Entropy", the movie that almost killed the career of Phil Joanou, but "entropy", from which we get the nursery rhyme (for the sad children of rocket scientists), "We cannot win, we cannot tie, and in the end we're all gonna die".

(Warning! This is not a movie review, a SciTech article or a children's story. It's safe to keep reading - Ed.)

I know, this intro is probably going to keep my popularity at zeeerohh for the remaining years of my writing life which in this town is more like less than zero. Not "Less Than Zero", the movie that should have killed the career of Brad Pitt (really, Google it), but...

(Warning! Bill Friday has never been popular and therefore has never known when to shut up - Ed.)

The good news in all of this is that, if I've done the math right, I can never receive a rating that isn't at least a zeeerohh. A lot like the song, "Saved By Zero" by The Fixx that really did kill the careers of...

(Warning! Bill Friday will never write on the topics of physics, poetry, movies or music ever again - Ed.)

And there you have it people. Be tolerant of the newb you read today. You never know, one day, he may be really cool.

Monday, October 6, 2008

October's Featured Contributor - Bill Friday


(Believe it or not, and article written about me. David Cohn - Digidave - the editor in chief of the Citizen Newspaper Broowaha.com made me the "Featured Interview for October". Cool, huh?)



The thoughts and observations of Bill Friday. You know him from around the Broo - but who is the man behind the name (possibly one of the best names here on Broo! Check out October's featured writer.



Digidave: How does where you live influence who/what you write about and how you go about doing it?


Friday: I was born in Inglewood, childhood in Bev Hills, Torrance and Marina Del Rey (Yeah, imagine a ten-year-old kid cruising the streets of Venice/MDR alone all summer – that was me), a dozen years in Orange County, and now, the last six years in Redondo Beach. I work six days a week on my laptop and five nights at LAX. All of L.A. is my home. I wish I could say I wrote more local stories – it’s that first-person, hands-on perspective that should drive Citizen Journalism – but it’s also what makes Citizen Journalism such a difficult and vital form of expression. I wish I was that kind of writer.


Who is your favorite Broowaha writer (besides yourself)?


There are a few writers who, when they publish, I make it a point to read as quickly as possible. I love the film reviews of D.L. Ferguson. From his reviews I discovered his website, http://betterinthedark.podomatic.com/ where he gives longer, freakin’ hilarious reviews of all things movie and TV. Another obvious choice is the mayor of San Francisco Broo, Ed Attanasio. I love the POV reporting of the Girl-Next-Door (to Danny Trejo), V. She’s a lot like reading Hunter S. Thompson but without the paranoid delusions. And V’s a lot better looking. And alive. Whether or not it’s the popular thing to say, I still look forward to the articles of El G. But without a doubt, the one Broo author I would read every day is Jen and Tonic. Her combination of soul-searching honesty and slapstick commentary is rare in the Broo world. I’ve written this before… she’s the only writer I’ve ever read who can use the words “donkey punch”, “dutch oven”, or “shocker” in a sentence and still sound like a lady.


You've been part of Broowaha for a long time. What brings you back?


Broowaha was the first place since college where I received feedback on my writing that wasn’t from friends or family. And it’s the first place I received criticism as a writer. Apparently, college professors are a lot kinder than the general reading public. Admittedly, not everything I’ve written here is particularly worth reading – and some of it’s a lot worse than that – but Broo has been a place where I can try anything and not lose a job doing it. And this’ll sound weird, but I think it’s the one-star ratings that keep me coming back more than the five-star ratings. When what you want to do for the rest of your life is to write for a living, a few anonymous “F*** you!’s” does more to prepare you than a bunch of friendly compliments. But keep the compliments coming because a writer’s ego is a fragile thing.


What is the favorite story you ever written here at Broowaha and why?



It’s got to be the series of “Fool Waha Interviews”. Since there’s no way a real celebrity, politician or athlete is ever going to grant me an interview (the Lakers’ John Ireland notwithstanding), I decided the only way to do it was to make it up as I go. And the responses have been interesting. For my interview with Adnan Ghalib, apparently some people took me seriously and gave me a couple of one-star votes. Then I did pretty well in the popular vote with a sports theme. Finally, I interviewed the most-likely choice for the Democratic VP nominee (before the pictures) John Edwards, and got hammered for it. Politics is a funny business. Writing about it should be funny too. It’s amazing how much shrinkage a sense of humor goes through when it’s your political party taking the public ice bath.

I’m thinking of interviewing Sarah Palin just to get a boost in my ratings points before Election Day.




In the time you've been part of Broowaha, how have you grown as a writer or interviewer? Maybe you can tell us about your first article, your favorite article to write and your most recent.



You mean since most of my “interviews” have been fiction?

My first article, “Your Popularity Is 0”, was written at work (a former job) a couple of days after finding Broowaha on Craigslist. The feedback I got only reinforced what the title said about me as a new contributor. My favorite article is probably “With This Muse You Lose”. I was researching the idea of an article on “writer suicides” (seriously) when I got a message from another new contributor who wondered about the harshness she encountered in the comment thread of her first article. Two weeks later, “With This Muse…” was my response. To date, it’s the only piece I’ve ever written that has gotten feedback from people where they actually opened up (anonymously) and expressed the same feelings these dead writers felt before they ended it all.


Lately, the idea of a webcast just seemed like the next logical step for a career going nowhere. Exposure, exposure, exposure. And if other, more talented people want to jump on board with me, at least I won’t be the only one who sinks the ship… right?


If you could write about anyone or any situation, what would it be?


I don’t think I’ve encountered that person or situation yet. Maybe in not knowing, I’ll keep writing about what’s right in front of me, rather than chasing something that, when I finally do it, will leave me with nothing left to do. Then there’s that Fool Waha interview with you
I’ve been planning. And seriously, I’m developing a TV pilot. So what if nobody in Hollywood knows me. With 5,611 independent production companies in Greater Los Angeles, anything’s possible.




What artist (musician, author, painter etc) inspires you?



Jean-Michel Basquiat. Particularly Boy and Dog and later Ten Punching Bags (with Warhol). His unintentional example of expression through graffiti should be used as motivation in the world of Citizen Journalism. By taking a hated symbol of expression, forcing it into the everyday view of the 1980’s mainstream, and (ultimately) seeing it accepted as a legitimate voice should be an example of what Citizen Journalism can do through another hated symbol of expression – the blog. By our often blunt, sometimes blurred, but accurate presentation of the facts right in front of us, we will be viewed as a legitimate voice for today.


That and watching the artistry of Manny Ramirez keep his swing short and his bat long and level through the hitting zone as he makes National League pitchers look like rag-armed, thirteen-year-olds.


Art has many forms.




Of our topics (city life, night life, culture, sports, etc) what is your favorite? Is there a reason why you tend to write/read more articles in that section?



When I was little, I wanted to be the Dodgers’ center fielder, and replace Vin Scully when he retired. Now, all these years later, I’m not in broadcasting and Vin Scully still hasn’t retired. But I do still play slow-pitch softball. For me sports, like writing, is an addiction. And I keep coming back to it as a topic for the same reason I come back to writing. I’ve always had a love/addiction with the written word – and the spoken word – as delivered by Vin Scully. It was always equal parts reporting and poetry. Some kids are raised on comic books, some on the classics…I was raised on Vin Scully. Every writer is a product of a lifetime of experiences, and all of them, in some way, shape and inform what we write. Chris Carter was raised in Bellflower on baseball and Vin Scully and all he was able to make out of it was The X-Files. Quentin Tarantino worked in a video store in Manhattan Beach and all he could turn that into was Reservoir Dogs and Pulp Fiction. All we, as writers, should expect from ourselves is to write what we already are. That’s what lies at the core of Citizen Journalism. If you see it, write it.


And always remember to use the spell check.






Copyright © 2008 Digidave