The Happening: Could A Village Make Sense Of These Signs?

"THE HAPPENING", the latest film by the former genius M. Night Shyamalan, begs many questions. Maybe the biggest question of all is, "Mark Wahlberg?"

The Sixth Sense... Unbreakable... Signs...

In the early days of the career of writer/director M. Night Shyamalan, these films were like the breaking of the day after the long cinematic darkness. Phrases like, ..."not since Hitchcock..." and, "...if only Orson Welles..." were thrown as loosely around Hollywood as company credit cards at a strip club south of Downtown.

In these motion pictures, a twenty-something outsider took three larger-than-life box office stars (Bruce Willis, Samuel L. Jackson and Mel Gibson) and somehow caused these big-dollar, name-above-the-title giants to fill the everyman persona of ordinary folk, till movie-goers couldn't wait for more.

Even as the shiny new was rubbing off of Night's bright career with the appearance of The Village, followed by Lady In The Water, the day for Night, though increasingly cloudy, still had patches of brilliance (like when the movie critic gets eaten by a fairytale wolf while hiding in the laundry room in Lady), you still knew that as studio execs grew tired of the same old stories, the only thing keeping good Night from straight-to-DVD hell was an Academy Award and Shyamalan's ability to get Hollywood A-listers to line up to work for him.

Not only were there the Willis/Jackson/Gibson connection, but Shyamalan continued to attract a fresh wave of newer talent in multiple Oscar nominees Haley Joel Osment, Joaquin Phoenix and Paul Giamatti, even 2002 Best Actor winner Adrien Brody. From 1999 to 2006, it seemed like the toughest club in Hollywood for getting past the velvet ropes was the "Lead Role by an Actor in a film by M. Night Shyamalan" club.

Which brings us to today.

The word is out. First whispered by agents, then carried along the wind on cocktail napkin memos and mom's basement bloggers all across the country and beyond. "Avoid this guy like the Ishtar", and "You're better off doing the sequel to Superman Returns." Even Kevin Spacey passed.

So today, June 13, 2008, we welcome the premier of The Happening... a film by M. Night Shyamalan... starring...

Mark Wahlberg.

Mark Wahlberg has worked with some of Hollywood's best-known directors. The list includes Best Director winner Martin Scorsese, as well as Paul Thomas Anderson (Boogie Nights; There Will Be Blood), Tim Burton, Jonathan Demme, Wolfgang Peterson and John Singleton. Yet, he is still remembered more as a former underwear model and one-time musical star(?). In fact, Mark Wahlberg has yet to be a part of any film that has generated big numbers that didn't have George Clooney's name on it.

So why would the has-been director turn to the never-was actor to resurrect each other's careers? My guess is that the now-veteran director may have pulled a fast one on his star.

In interviews leading up to the premier of The Happening, Wahlberg has said,

"Night described this movie as Kramer vs Kramer meets The Birds."

Which explains it all. Wahlberg probably hasn't seen either movie, so it must have been simple for Shyamalan to drop this used tea bag of a script on the actor best remembered for playing opposite Helena Bonham Carter in chimpanzee make-up.

Then there's that R rating thing. This is the first M. Night Shyamalan film ever to have earned an R from the MPAA. So important is The Happening's R that is the over one month of t.v. ads for the picture, the R is displayed in blood red while an announcer tells you about it over pictures of well-edited depictions of violence. The R campaign takes on an even more heightened sense of marketing urgency when you hear the director himself say in an interview,

"One of the things that I said to everybody, the cast and crew, I said, 'This is a B movie. Let's get ourselves straight here. This is just a great B movie. We're making the best B movie we can here. That's our job. We're making a B movie'."

Nothing like lowering expectations on the success of a project with production costs estimated at around $67 million.

So what will become of The Happening? Will it return M. Night Shyamalan to the top of the food chain in Hollywood? What about Mark Wahlberg? Will his new picture prove that he, like all of Shyamalan's other lead actors is, in fact, a stand-alone box office draw?

If it doesn't, I just hope that I, as the critic of Shyamalan's apocalyptic fairytale, won't meet as untimely an ending as the cranky film critic in Lady In The Water.

Copyright © 2008 Bill Friday

Tim Donaghy and David Stern: The Fool Waha Interview

Convicted former NBA referee Tim Donaghy and long-time NBA commissioner David Stern did not sit down for an exclusive interview with BrooWaha.com's Bill Friday.

Bill Friday: Before we begin, I would like to thank both of you gentleman for being here today.

David Stern: My attorney tells me I'm currently not here.

Tim Donaghy: My attorney isn't returning my phone calls. Fire away.

Friday: All right then. Commissioner Stern, within the last 48 hours, Mr. Donaghy has leveled some incredible accusations against the NBA. Some have said that, if they are true, could in fact cause the utter collapse of the League as a sports entity in America. How do you respond to these accusations?

Stern: My attorney tells me that Mr. Donaghy is not currently here either. If neither I, nor Mr. Donaghy is currently here, then I find his allegations groundless and not worthy of a response by me, or anyone else not here at this time.

Friday: I see. Mr. Donaghy...

Donaghy: Call me Tim.

Friday: Alright then, Tim. According to court documents posted last week on the website The Smoking Gun.com, it is alleged that you, "... compromised [your] objectivity as a referee because of personal financial interest in the outcome of NBA games". Yet yesterday, through your attorney, you say in essence that the League is in the business of fixing the outcome of games for the purpose of increased t.v. ratings and revenues.

Donaghy: What's your point.

Stern: His point is, NOBODY BELIEVES YOU!

Friday: Well, not no one, exactly. Just this morning, in an article on ESPN.com, L.A. Lakers coach Phil Jackson is quoted as saying, "There's a lot of things going on in these games and they're suspicious...".

Stern: Obviously, Phil Jackson was talking about that recent prime-time human cockfight between Kimbo Slice and James Thompson on CBS.

Friday: Actually David...

Stern: You will address me as Mr. Commissioner.

Friday: Mr. Commissioner. Actually, he was talking about the play-off games game in 2002 between the Lakers and the Sacramento Kings in which...

Donaghy: Mr. Commissioner stole the series from the Kings and gave it to the Lakers!

Stern: My attorney, if he were here, would say that this accusation is somewhat groundless, and completely unprovable in a court of law.

Donaghy: Oh yeah? Well my attorney says I have nothing left to lose and I better start singing to anyone who'll listen before my sentencing takes place on July 14th.

Friday: One other thing before we move on. Mr. Commissioner...

Stern: Call me Your Majesty.

Friday: Your Majesty, in 2005, the League fined then-Houston Rockets coach Jeff Van Gundy $100,000 for comments he made claiming that a "League official" told him that referees targeted Rockets center Yao Ming, causing the team to lose a play-off series to the Dallas Mavericks.

Stern: The fact that coach Van Gundy received a $100,000 fine should prove that the NBA takes the irresponsible peddling of groundless accusations about the League seriously.

Donaghy: Ask him what else it means.

Friday: Okay. Commissioner, what else does it mean?

Stern: It means nothing. The League did not fine coach Van Gundy because of a so-called "conspiracy" among officials in League office. The League fined coach Van Gundy simply because he is short, bald and white.

Friday: That's fair. Shifting gears, how happy is the League with the Finals match-up between the Lakers and the Boston Celtics?

Stern: We are extremely satisfied with a return to this historic Finals pairing as we also are with the outcome of the series as well.

Friday: What do you mean "outcome"? Right now, the series is only guaranteed to go 5 games, and game 4 doesn't take place until tomorrow night.

Stern: On the contrary, the series is already scheduled to go back to Boston for games 6 and 7 next week. As far as the t.v. ratings are concerned, those two games should produce the highest rated programming for ABC television for the entire summer season. At least as soon as The Bachelorette ends its run later this month.

By the way Mr. Friday, it's my understanding that when the play-offs began, you picked the Celtics over the Lakers in 6 games.

Friday: That's correct. But how did you know...

Stern: I know many things that have an impact on our League. Tell me, do you have anything riding on that prediction... Mr. Friday?

Donaghy: I'm still HERE people!

Stern: We've already established that nobody is here my friend. Least of all you.

Friday: Before we close, do either of you have anything you'd like to say to the tens of readers who will be seeing this story?

Donaghy: I expect to write a book about my experiences while serving my debt to society. Also, I'm hoping to establish some form of visitation rights with my 4 children - just as soon as my ex-wife answers the subpoena. Other than that, my calendar is pretty clear for the foreseeable future. I guess my one regret in all this is that, as a convicted felon, I will no longer be able to vote for change in the next election. Therefore, I will be working as a volunteer in the 2012 Arkansas Gubernatorial campaign of fellow gambler Charles Barkley.

Friday: Your Majesty?

Stern: From now on, you will call me "Betty". After the conclusion of the NBA season, I am anxiously looking forward to this year's summer Olympics in Beijing. I can hardly wait to see just how this years' version of "The Dream Team" will fair against the rest of the world. Hopefully the foreign exchange rates will be favorable enough for the League to afford those cash payments the international referees are expecting to assure that Team USA will bring home the gold medal.

Donaghy: See! SEE!!! It's TRUE! It's ALL TRUE!!!

Stern: So, Mr. Friday, do you have any plans for later in the year?

Friday: Nothing concrete. After my unemployment runs out I was thinking of looking into opening a hot dog cart in Redondo Beach. I hear it's what all the creative types are doing these days.

Stern: Too bad. Someone with your special talents and abilities could always find a place for himself in the League Office. Here... take my card. My attorney will be in touch.

Friday: I bet he will be.

Donaghy: You said "bet"! Don't say "bet"! They're listening , you know! They're listening! THEY'RE LISTENING!!! Hand me that aluminum foil hat! Hurry!

Stern: And he wonders why his attorney won't return his calls.

Friday: David Stern...

Stern: Betty!

Friday: Tim Donaghy... Betty... Thank you.

Note: No attorneys, convicted felons or NBA Commissioners were seen, interviewed or injured in the writing of this article. Any resemblance to persons living, dead, famous or infamous, fictional or real is purely coincidental and should not be taken as a license for litigation.

After all, Bill Friday isn't even a real person. And even if he was, he's just an out-of-work, freelance writer working on a website that pays him no money to write nonsense like the piece you've just read.

Copyright © 2008 Bill Friday

For The Dodgers, The Clayton Kershaw Era Begins Today

20-year-old lefty phenom Clayton Kershaw holds the St. Louis Cardinals to 2 runs in 6 innings in his Major League debut at Dodger Stadium.

The future, as we know it, begins today.

Billed as the second coming of Sandy Koufax, the arrival of Clayton Kershaw in Los Angeles has, for some, been more anticipated than this week's arrival of Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. And with Kershaw's near-dominating start against the National League leading St. Louis Cardinals, apparently all the pre-premier hype was right on the money.

The six-three Kershaw, the Dodgers' number one pick in the June amateur draft just two years ago, has been compared to Koufax so often that the expectation might be one of acceptance at being the next great lefty in Dodger history. So far, the Dallas native will have nothing of it.

"It just means somebody thinks highly of you. I put enough pressure on myself, I don't worry about what other people think or say or talk about."

Kershaw's new catcher, All-Star Russell Martin, has this to say about the rookie.

"He doesn't look scared, he's not tentative in any way." And, "[He throws] the best curveball I've ever caught."

For the record, Kershaw allowed two runs on five hits over six innings, walking one while striking out 7. Kershaw threw 102 pitches. He left the game with his team leading 3-2, and had no decision in the game won by the Dodgers in 10 innings 4-3. Kershaw struck out the side in the top of the 1st inning, allowing a run on an Albert Pujols double that was misplayed by Dodger left fielder Juan Pierre. Throwing 32 pitches in his first Major League inning, the pitcher, who only two years ago was still a senior at Highland Park High School in Dallas, settled down. He allowed just one more run, in the 6th inning, and worked out of a two on-two out jam, retiring catcher Jason LaRue on a fly ball to Pierre to end the inning.

And as for the next appearance for The Future of the Franchise? Manager Joe Torre has already said Kershaw will remain in the starting rotation, "as long as results justified it." Based on today, the next time will be this Friday night, in New York, against the Mets.

From now on, the spotlight on Kershaw only grows bigger and brighter.

In spring training, Torre has to stop himself, just short of comparing the then 19-year-old to the greatest left-handed pitcher in Dodger (if not all baseball) history. Reminded that Kershaw only has two pitches, a mid to upper 90's fastball and that nasty 12-6 curve, Torre, who faced Koufax often during his own big-league career, said:

"There was a left-handed pitcher in this organization with only a fastball and curve and he was pretty good," said Torre. "But I don't want to put that kind of pressure on him. He's not too far away from the changeup. He's got it; it's a matter of locating it."

Just ask the Cardinals if Kershaw's "got it". And in five more days, ask the Mets. You could ask Koufax, who spent this spring mentoring the composed-beyond-his-years kid, but Koufax doesn't do media.

Baseball gods aren't required to.

As for Clayton Kershaw's reservation in that place where the gods of baseball dwell...

C'mon! He's twenty!

But if it happens, you heard it here first.

Copyright © 2008 Bill Friday

Along The Java Trail: The Healthy Bean

"HEALTHY" COFFEE? Follow Bill Friday along the Java Trail. Next stop: THE HEALTHY BEAN.

Mmmm, coffee. It's good and good for you.

Right. And people believe everything politicians, televangelists and Art Bell tell them. But there are some things you'd like to believe. Ice flows aren't melting, smog in Beijing will be gone by August, and coffee is actually good for you.

I want to believe.

The Healthy Bean, The World's First Healthy Coffee , is a thoroughly new concept in the world of high-end, gourmet coffee. So new that the first HB location opened less than a year ago on Santa Monica Blvd. in West Hollywood. Today, I dropped in on the second HB in Torrance on Hawthorne Blvd. just south of the Del Amo Mall. And since I've driven past the Torrance location maybe 300 times since it opened, I figured it was time to find out just what "healthy coffee" is all about.

Walking through the doors, the first thing I noticed was how the Feng Shui was flying: High walls painted bright red; other walls of green bamboo and black lacquer shelves filled with mugs and things for sale; a warm yellow ceiling above and big, comfy brown leather chairs throughout make the place look inviting without making you fell like you just stumbled into three rooms of moth-chewed furniture crammed into a Public Storage vault in Height-Ashbury. Not that I'm hatin' the Height, I just like a coffee house where there's a better chance of finding liquid soap in the restroom dispenser than there is finding one filled with patchouli oil.

But I wasn't there to review restrooms. I've learned that lesson.

The second thing I noticed was the incredibly friendly staff behind the counter at The Healthy Bean. Maybe they'd been drinking some "healthy coffee" in between customers before I got there.

And finally, what I noticed were the prices. A small cup of black coffee goes for a stiff $2.25! That's over 40% higher than the equivalent drink at Starbucks. Other items on the beverage menu are also kind of pricey. For example, all of The Healthy Bean's large (20 ounce), flavored hot beverages will run you $5.80. A similar drink at Starbucks still comes in at less than $5.00.

So if "healthy coffee" is worth the weight-in-gold price tag, I decided to find out why.

According to the literature, the idea behind The Healthy Bean came from co-founders Ray Basa and Violeta Cristobal in 2003. Basa spent 17 years in the nutritional supplements industry with companies such as GNC, Weider, Atkins and Bally's Total Fitness. Cristobal is a CPA and a long-time marathon runner. The two, both originally from the Philippines, took the idea of dietary supplementation plus the idea of the retail business model, and after several years of test marketing, opened The Healthy Bean.

So what makes 'healthy coffee" healthy?

According to The Healthy Bean, their coffee is "...infused with high levels of antioxidants and whey protein...".

Huh?

As the story goes, "One 12-ounce serving of Healthy Bean coffee contains the combined antioxidant power of one cup of green tea, one cup of grape juice, one cup of pomegranate juice and 1/8 cup of wild blueberries, and as much protein as a [half] glass of milk."

Sounds like someone watched a lot of I Love Lucy re-runs in their formative years. Or like The Healthy Bean should be selling bottles of VitaMeataVegiMin on the shelves next to the French presses and coffee mugs.

So like any good secret shopper, I ordered "one 12-ounce cup" (Italian roast), sat down in a comfy, brown leather chair, and with no idea what to expect, I drank.

It was... good. I mean, really good.

Served to me in a to go cup with a chocolate covered coffee bean placed on the lid like a mint on a hotel pillow, I actually liked this "healthy coffee". Enough that after finishing the first cup, I ordered a refill, this time decaf French roast - just for research. Also good. Better than expected good.

And strong. Not strong as in harsh-bitter, party-of-two strong. I mean powerful strong.

I've been drinking coffee since I was 17-years-old. Lots of coffee. I'm nobody's coffee lightweight. Yet, after one cup of caffeinated and a half-cup of decaf from The Healthy Bean, I was buzzed. The kind of buzzed where your face tingles and you swear you've been playing drinking games with the staff of BrooWaha San Francisco. Not that there's anything wrong with that, I just didn't think a few antioxidants would give me the same feeling as a couple of cans of Red Bull.

But will anybody else join me in a "healthy", $2.25 cup of regular coffee when a gallon of regular gasoline now tops $4.00?

Well, I'm over the buzz now. It's been a few hours and I haven't felt the need for another cup of coffee since. Usually by now, I'll need to make myself at least one more cup just to make it to the end of the day. Today, not so much. Of course, at $18.00 a pound for a take home bag of beans, maybe I don't want to need another cup before the end of the day.

So should you try The Healthy Bean? I would recommend it. At least until the FDA finishes their report on the effects the antioxidant/caffeine speedball*.

The Healthy Bean is located at 23211 Hawthorne Blvd. in Torrance. Hours vary by day. For info call 310-373-5696. Visa /MC accepted.

*Bill Friday is not aware of any such FDA study. If you are, or would like to participate in one, please follow the link at the end of this article, where you can be helped by a cell/molecular biologist in your area.

Copyright © 2008 Bill Friday

Along The Java Trail: First Stop... Moon Donuts

Today, Bill Friday begins his Summer of Java tour of the South Bay (after all, he's still afraid of what the folks at Peet's might do to him). First stop... MOON DONUTS.

MOON DONUTS. I've been a semi-regular here for the last... jeez, fifteen... sixteen years. At the corner of Torrance Boulevard and Prospect Avenue, Moon Donuts remains the corner landmark in a half-sized strip-mall of broken dreams on the eastern edge of South Redondo.

Over the years, this corner has seen it's share of food and retail come and go: a dry cleaner, an ice cream shop, a multi-station, Internet gaming center for Halo-obsessed, forty-year-old virgins, a French pastry shop where, in the afternoons, the owner's dog was allowed the run of the kitchen (I kid you not!), a very cool, under-capitalized, used book store, another dry cleaner, a discount cigarette and bong emporium, and a Pizza Hut. Yet through it all, Moon Donuts has remained, dealing out a fantastic array of glazed, chocolate raised and jelly filled pieces of nirvana one - or one dozen - at a time.

Owner Steve still remembers the names of the regulars who sit at his counter, unhurriedly enjoying their daily fill, washing down these highly-risen beauties with only the purest form of "donut coffee", Torrance's own roast, Farmer Bros. coffee.

Now officially, I don't count Farmer Bros. as coffee, but as this is the first in a series of Java Trail reports, Moon Donuts gets a pass on the coffee rating based solely on the good will built up by Steve and his family for almost two decades of serving the best round mounds of acid rebound in the South Bay.

And the fact that their are at least twenty coffee houses within a 10 minute drive of Moon, non of which can touch the pastry perfection of just one of Steve's plain cake .

Moon Donuts is located at 1000 Torrance Boulevard, Redondo Beach. Open Monday through Friday 4am to 6 pm; Saturday 4 to 7, and Sunday 4 to1. And if you need special quantities, call them at 310-543-1867.

Copyright © 2008 Bill Friday